I used to read a lot of book about self development in the past. But after I start working, I realised that I no longer read books because I just too busy to spare my time for reading. An excuse, I know. But since in here, I don't have a lot of things to do, I try to start reading again, and write in the blog to motivate me.
So, the first book that I read is Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. I think this book speak about leadership for woman in organisation without censor. There are a lot of moment that she said and I experienced it before. It shows woman how to behave in work environment and how to step up your career. I regret that I know this book so late. I wish I know it before, when I still work in Danone. So, I would like to write down what I learn from this book and share. I suggest you to read this book. This is so good for career woman!
First thing first is the intention. Woman do not have intention to be leader in the first place. We raised not to be a leader, but a follower. When people think a leader, they expect to see man not woman. I remember in my college, I nominate to be an organisation leader, and the previous leader talk to me that woman should not be a leader. It really hurts my confidence and makes me questioning my ability. Society expect woman to be a ladylike person that will just quiet and follow the man. My ambition to be the leader of company keep decreasing because of this stereotype.
First thing first is the intention. Woman do not have intention to be leader in the first place. We raised not to be a leader, but a follower. When people think a leader, they expect to see man not woman. I remember in my college, I nominate to be an organisation leader, and the previous leader talk to me that woman should not be a leader. It really hurts my confidence and makes me questioning my ability. Society expect woman to be a ladylike person that will just quiet and follow the man. My ambition to be the leader of company keep decreasing because of this stereotype.
I remember that in my 2nd year of working, my mentor -Mas Yoshi- used to ask me and my friend to make a career journey, what we want to be in the next 10 years. The woman (me and Nadya), choose Senior Manager as the highest position in the company. We don't want to be the Director or even CEO. While the man choose CEO or GM to be their highest position. Both of us think that we cannot become a leader because we will married and having kids. That being a leader is impossible, if it is not a hard thing to do.
Sheryl also said that there is a pressure for woman to married at young age. I am pretty sure most of woman will agree with this. Have you ever heard jokes that saying if woman past their age of 25, they no longer "full price"? We will not seen as attractive as before. Some people said that past that age, and you will find it is difficult to find a husband. That is something that I experienced before. I already feel the pressure to get married when I start to work. Whenever I meet my family or friends, they will ask whether I have a boyfriend. In Indonesia, this question is considered a common question, while I thing it is rude. When I get moved several times, from Jakarta to Surabaya, and then Bandung for work, actually I feel worried that I couldn't find boyfriend because I moved a lot. But now, I feel grateful that I explore all the opportunities, because it gives me a lot of experience and broaden my mind at work.
I think most woman need to be sure that it's ok for us to have a dream, to pursue your career, to do whatever that makes you happy. I saw that in Indonesia right now, a lot of small business is lead by woman. It just a small industries, but I hope that many woman start to be brave and do not afraid to pursue career. Let's just leave all the people that gossip and toxic from your live. Start with answering this question,
Second thing I learn is that woman and man is different by nature, and the gender inequality in the workplace is real. We need to accept that. for several years woman trying to have the equality in the workplace, it cannot gone in a flash. We still need to fight for it. And the easiest start is by changing the way woman behave in a workplace.
Sheryl said in her book that woman tend to underestimate their own ability and hold back too much. I realised that I often do that. I remember that Mas Yoshi used to push me to talk to our Sales Director and CEO, so they can remember me and increase my presence. I am pretty sure that I resist too much and being shy. I put my self in the corner and just hide. I don't feel confident at all. I feel that I lack a lot, and I am afraid that I don't have enough ability to do something. It is not only about the presence, but also for new roles or opportunity. "Man chase a growth opportunity and believed that they were capable of doing more. While woman more caution about changing roles and seeking new challenge."
Sheryl also said that the most important thing to remember about career, that it is not a ladder, but a jungle. So, career do not need to be mapped from the start. It required also flexibility. We need to focus on the potential to growth and learning new things. Taking risk, choosing growth, challenge ourselves and ask for promotion are important in managing career. This is something that young people need to understand. That in the company, you don't have to replace your boss to have a growth in career. Maybe you can move to other division, and learn about other things is also career development. It will help you to have broader perspective in your job. If you start your job at sales, maybe later you can move to marketing, or HR. Nobody knows..
I think after reading this book, woman should growth their confidence. When you are not confident, better to fake it. Fake it till you make it! When we get an offer of the new challenges or opportunity we need to said yes, even when we don't know. Because we can learn about it later. Learn something new, will push you out of your comfort zone and make you growth more. We need to learn this attitude from man, to be able to take a risk, and present ourselves in the workplace better. No need to worried about our career, because when we push ourselves to a new challenge and growth, we can get a result and become flexible at workplace.
But, keep in mind that the stereotype is real. There is a situation that woman will be less favorable. There is a study in the book, that with the same success situation, changing the case study gender will result differently. Success and likability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. Thats why woman are held back. Naturally, woman hate being dislike, that is why when we success usually we will credit the success also for other people, we like to downplay our achievement. It also make us hard to negotiate when it comes to compensation and benefit at work. We need to be careful to do that because it can be backfired.
According to this book, we need to play smart when we negotiate for wage rise or promotion.
How?
First, woman must come across as being nice, concerned about others, and appropriately female. We need to "Think personally, act communally", so we should substitute "we" for "I". Second is provide a legitimate explanation for the negotiation. justify the request. Suggest someone more senior or cite industry standard. We can ask our boss state that we "deserve" the promotion and provide the evidence of our work justify. Mary Sue Coleman said that this method require smiling frequently, expressing appreciation and concern, invoke common interest, emphasise larger goal, and approaching the negotiation as solving a problem as opposed to taking critical stance.
We as woman need to realised that the struggle is real, people point of view will not easily change, so we need to be flexible and play smart to survive at workplace.
Last thing that I learn from this book is, woman need to stand criticism. Desire to be liked by everyone would hold us back. When you want to change things, you can't please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren't making enough progress. I know that it is hard to face criticism. I remember when I being too comfortable with my job in Surabaya and get the harsh email from Mas Yoshi, it hurts a lot and makes me cry for days. I feel so embarrassed, I feel like I disappointed him and I do a worst job ever. It takes me days to realised that I just need to apologised and bring a better result. I cannot keep the critics in my head and feel guilty, but I need to make it as a motivation to keep learning. The mistake is such a normal thing, I will learn from it. And when we trying to change something, we cannot please everybody. There are people that hate us, dislike us, but as long as we do the right thing, we shouldn't be bothered.
That is a wrap. There are more to learn from this book actually. What I like the most is, Sheryl give us some example about what she experience in her work life that we can experienced ourself. It will give you new perspective and motivation to pursue your career and job. Must Read!!!
"What would I do if I weren't afraid?"
Second thing I learn is that woman and man is different by nature, and the gender inequality in the workplace is real. We need to accept that. for several years woman trying to have the equality in the workplace, it cannot gone in a flash. We still need to fight for it. And the easiest start is by changing the way woman behave in a workplace.
Sheryl said in her book that woman tend to underestimate their own ability and hold back too much. I realised that I often do that. I remember that Mas Yoshi used to push me to talk to our Sales Director and CEO, so they can remember me and increase my presence. I am pretty sure that I resist too much and being shy. I put my self in the corner and just hide. I don't feel confident at all. I feel that I lack a lot, and I am afraid that I don't have enough ability to do something. It is not only about the presence, but also for new roles or opportunity. "Man chase a growth opportunity and believed that they were capable of doing more. While woman more caution about changing roles and seeking new challenge."
Sheryl also said that the most important thing to remember about career, that it is not a ladder, but a jungle. So, career do not need to be mapped from the start. It required also flexibility. We need to focus on the potential to growth and learning new things. Taking risk, choosing growth, challenge ourselves and ask for promotion are important in managing career. This is something that young people need to understand. That in the company, you don't have to replace your boss to have a growth in career. Maybe you can move to other division, and learn about other things is also career development. It will help you to have broader perspective in your job. If you start your job at sales, maybe later you can move to marketing, or HR. Nobody knows..
But, keep in mind that the stereotype is real. There is a situation that woman will be less favorable. There is a study in the book, that with the same success situation, changing the case study gender will result differently. Success and likability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. Thats why woman are held back. Naturally, woman hate being dislike, that is why when we success usually we will credit the success also for other people, we like to downplay our achievement. It also make us hard to negotiate when it comes to compensation and benefit at work. We need to be careful to do that because it can be backfired.
According to this book, we need to play smart when we negotiate for wage rise or promotion.
How?
First, woman must come across as being nice, concerned about others, and appropriately female. We need to "Think personally, act communally", so we should substitute "we" for "I". Second is provide a legitimate explanation for the negotiation. justify the request. Suggest someone more senior or cite industry standard. We can ask our boss state that we "deserve" the promotion and provide the evidence of our work justify. Mary Sue Coleman said that this method require smiling frequently, expressing appreciation and concern, invoke common interest, emphasise larger goal, and approaching the negotiation as solving a problem as opposed to taking critical stance.
We as woman need to realised that the struggle is real, people point of view will not easily change, so we need to be flexible and play smart to survive at workplace.
Last thing that I learn from this book is, woman need to stand criticism. Desire to be liked by everyone would hold us back. When you want to change things, you can't please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren't making enough progress. I know that it is hard to face criticism. I remember when I being too comfortable with my job in Surabaya and get the harsh email from Mas Yoshi, it hurts a lot and makes me cry for days. I feel so embarrassed, I feel like I disappointed him and I do a worst job ever. It takes me days to realised that I just need to apologised and bring a better result. I cannot keep the critics in my head and feel guilty, but I need to make it as a motivation to keep learning. The mistake is such a normal thing, I will learn from it. And when we trying to change something, we cannot please everybody. There are people that hate us, dislike us, but as long as we do the right thing, we shouldn't be bothered.
That is a wrap. There are more to learn from this book actually. What I like the most is, Sheryl give us some example about what she experience in her work life that we can experienced ourself. It will give you new perspective and motivation to pursue your career and job. Must Read!!!
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